She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
