So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
