There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
