I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
