Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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