i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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