I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
