In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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