so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
