I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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