Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
