He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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