You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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