when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
