I'm going to jail i love you
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize