I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
