The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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