it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
