Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
