Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
