So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
