just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
