we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
