I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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