I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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