You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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