super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
