So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
