You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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