I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
