you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize