i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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