guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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