please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
