Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
NoShamevember. You game?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Randomize
