Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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