So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
