She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I lost the right to judge tonight
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
