I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
