If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
