During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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