He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
