I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
my liver is dry heaving
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
