Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
