did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
