Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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