How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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