Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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