Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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