six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
