Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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