you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize