the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
