Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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