don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
