They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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