you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
