We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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