you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize