Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
