I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
