Pants 0. Shit 1.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
