The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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