Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
