i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
