I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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