Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
