so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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