at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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