I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Also, beer. Big fan.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize