4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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