Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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