dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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