just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
