so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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