I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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