My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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