my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
